Page 10 2015 HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS MAGAZINE LINCOLN DAILY NEWS.COM NOVEMBER 25, 2015
For the kids, Suzanne says, “Of course it’s hard for
them in some ways because: they have to share
mom and dad - they have to share our resources -
they have to share their rooms - you have to share
space - you have to share quiet - its not really very
quiet, which can be hard on the ones that are
introverts. However, it opens up their world view.
Not only do they have to share, but they are more
aware of the world - rather than, where’s my stuff,
and my room and my toys and my parents.”
When it comes to kids, everyone wants everything
to revolve around themselves, but Suzanne says
their children are more aware that it can’t. The
children know there are other people out there and
not just at home or in Lincoln, there are people all
over the world with needs much greater than ours.
The children are thinking ahead of the day when
they will be on their own and what they will do,
and interestingly, almost all of the children have
talked about adopting when they grow up. Suzanne
is already planning and daydreaming about her
“gramma house” for their dozens of grandchildren
to come and visit.
Lessons learned benefiting the community
While the Gowins had parenting experience
and had prepared well for adoption, there was
something they hadn’t been able to see coming.
Two years after they began adopting they would
discover “just on the parenting side of it, a lot of
the traditional practices don’t work,” Michael said.
At orphan care conferences, the Gowins discovered
the term ‘kids from hard places.’ They also found
a lot of information and support that would ease
their lives and that they would eventually bring to
our community to help other families.
Children who have been in foster-care or
orphanages predictably have experienced trauma -
loss of one or more parents, abuse, separation from
family, medical trauma, things which interrupt a
child’s development. “They miss out on a lot, their
brains develop differently because of the trauma,”
Michael said. “There are logic pieces that are
missing,” Suzanne adds. So, common parenting
programs like the ‘Love and Logic’ or other
consequence-based styles will not work for these
kids.
No matter the age, when a child comes to you,
“You have missed out on the bonding and mental
growth that typically begins at conception,”
Suzanne said. The process of parenting these
children requires backtracking, going through
those normal growth processes to gain that
connectedness for their well-being.
The couple did lots of self-study and received
training through a program called “Empowered to
Connect” which strives to balance structure and
nurture through relationship. They became trained
as trainers and just finished leading a second nine
week session of two-hour classes. The classes
were held in a local church. Interest has grown
and the classes have been a benefit to other foster
care and adoptive parents, as well as teachers and
leaders of children in our community.
The Gowins stay focused on their family’s needs.
Suzanne says, “We’re busy, busy, busy. We do
know how to say ‘no.’We would not have added
teaching this class to our plate if we didn’t feel this
parenting method was vital in our communities that
seem to be full of ‘kids from hard places.’”
Another thing she does take time for that is so
important is to attend conferences. She gains
strength and information regularly attending mom
and orphan care conferences, and by staying in
contact with other adoptive families through blogs.
What’s so great about being a big family?
Michael quips, “The best part is that the kids
always have someone to play with.”
Suzanne interjects with a laugh, “They always
have someone to fight with too. But then, there’s
somebody else who will agree with them usually.”
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